March 2004

	Your Innvestment
	Vol. 12, No. 4	March 2004

We just want to remind everyone that next Sunday evening, April 4^th, Innvestments will hold it’s 11^th Anniversary Celebration. The celebration will consist of a nice dinner at the restaurant in the Ramada Inn in Hyannis. We will begin arriving about 7:15 PM with dinner planned for about 8:00 PM. The regular meeting fee of $15 will apply and the club will then pay for the meals.

I have already heard from several of you that are coming. Please send an Email and let me know if you are coming so that I can make a proper reservation. Also, if anyone would like to entertain us we would be most appreciative!

The annual Valentine's Party took place on Saturday evening, February 21st and we all had a very nice time. Liz MC'd the Red Dress Contest and we all had a great time showing off our gowns. Congrats to Ms. Joan C for winning the event with her beautiful and daring gown. The music was great as usual, thanks to Soundscape Entertainment, and the dinner buffet was fantastic, as usual, thanks to the Ramada Inn.

Your Innvestment is a publication of Innvestments, P.O. Box 493, Monument Beach, MA.02553-0493. Innvestments is a non-sexual service organization founded to support and to provide a socially acceptable outlet for the crossdressing, transvestite, transsexual, transgendered community located primarily in Southeastern Massachusetts, Cape Cod and the Islands. All rights reserved. Permission to reprint any article appearing in Your Innvestment is hereby granted to non-profit similar organizations provided that publication and authorship credit is given. Any commercial use of Your Innvestment material is hereby prohibited. Some material may have previously appeared in print. Publication and authorship rights of material reprinted from other sources remain with its originator. The editor/s of Your Innvestment are not under any obligation to accept information and advertisements. Information and advertisements may be published in any form deemed acceptable. Any information about services, products or sympathetic locations published in Your Innvestment is not considered an endorsement of such by the staff of Your Innvestment or the Board of Directors of Innvestments.

Brenda L. (Brenda@innvestments.org).......President
Wendy B. (Wendy@innvestments.org).........Vice President
Brenda L. (Brenda@innvestments.org)........Treasurer

PATIENCE PAYS OFF

DONNA G. – WINDSOR, ONTARIO, CANADA.
This article is reprinted with the permission of the author and
thanks are due to Susan B. of Brockton for the submission.

I feel that I am one of the luckiest people around, and I would like to tell you why.

Shortly after we were married I told my wife (of 27 years) about my desire to crossdress, and asked if I could borrow her wig and a skirt to show her what I looked like. She reluctantly agreed and said I reminded her of her mother and promptly threw my few items of clothing into the garbage while I was at work the next day.

Over the next twenty years I had to hide my desires and could only dress up when she was at work or after an evening shift when everyone in the house was sound asleep.

I started to take a small vacation by myself, in the fall, where I could unwind and dress a little more freely. During one of these trips, I went to Fantasyland in Owen Sound, Ontario. There I met a terrific lady who told me that a group of people who were going to form a crossdressing club in Ontario and I was welcome to attend their, “Mardi Gras Weekend,” the following summer.

I told my wife about this experience and expressed my desire to go. She finally realized that this was something that I felt very strongly about, so she agreed to let me attend but said that she didn’t want to hear anything about the weekend. Needless to say – up to now, this was the highlight of my crossdressing experience. It felt so good, to be dressed in a public place and to be able to meet other crossdressers and their wives, that I joined the club.

After my second Mardi Gras. I told my wife about a, “Paradise in the Pocono’s,” get together and said I would like to go with a couple of club members. She agreed to let me go, but the trip fell through because the other people could not get the time off work.

About this time I read about a, “Be All You Want To Be,” Convention which was to be held in Dearborn, Michigan (about 20 miles from home). Since the Pocono’s trip fell through, she agreed to let me go to this Convention. At the convention I was totally flabbergasted. Here was a chance to live totally as a woman for about 4 days. I had never seen so many crossdressers in one place before. We actually mingled with the public and were not openly derided or scorned. And the vendors – where else could we shop in complete freedom as our femme selves and be able to see and buy some of the items we had only read about. Also, I was very impressed by the educational seminars available, and the caliber of the people running them.

When I got home, I just had to talk about my experiences and the people I met – but tried to do so without referring to the feminine part of it. My wife is a very avid reader and I told her about a book that I saw called, “My Husband Wears My Clothes,” by Dr. Peggy Rudd who has a Ph.D. in Education. I stated that this was a well-researched and well-written book by the wife of a crossdresser, for wives and families of crossdressers. I said that I was going to buy the book if I thought she would read it. When she stated she might read the book, I promptly sent away to IFGE for it.

The book arrived about three weeks later. I told my wife what it was and said I was going to leave it on our bedroom dresser. Nothing happened for about a week, and then she told me that I should read it first. After I was finished, I told her that I liked the book and learned some more about myself from it. Then I put the book back on the dresser and let the matter drop.

A couple of weeks later, when I came home from work; my wife met me at the door and said,” We have to talk.

“Sure” I replied “What about?” She then told me that she had been reading my book and was puzzled; a little troubled, and wanted more information and some answers. For the first time, we sat and really discussed crossdressing and how I personally felt about it. Over the next couple of weeks, I gave her different articles and newsletters to read and we talked more frequently about crossdressing. Finally she said, “Yes, you can dress as a woman – occasionally.”

Then I asked if she would like to see some pictures of “Donna” taken at the, “Be All.” When she agreed, I felt great. I could finally be open with my wife. When she looked at the pictures, she said she liked some of them but some outfits did not suit my age or body style. So I asked if she would go through my wardrobe, with me, and help weed out the inappropriate clothing. She said “Someday.” I replied, “Thanks,” and said nothing more about it that night.

About a week later, after we had supper and I helped with the dishes. I asked again if she would help sort through my clothing. She agreed, and we went downstairs to my storage space. She had positive comments on some of the outfits, but others, she though were either too young, unsuitable or the wrong color for me. Some of these outfits I liked, so we set these aside and I said the only way we would know for sure is I if I tried then on for her. But it was getting late so I bundled up the discards for Goodwill Industries, and we went up to bed.

Another week passed – another quiet night. Again I helped clean up after supper. Then I asked if I could try on some of my clothing for her. She agreed. Needless to say, I started with the clothing I knew she liked. This got us going on a positive note. When I got to some of the, “iffy,” outfits, she said that some of them might be OK if I changed the accessories. When I made the change, we decided which clothing I would keep and which would go. Since she was beginning to accept my crossdressing, and I had asked for her help, I gladly went along with her wishes. We also came to an agreement that night, that I could dress as a woman (around home) a couple of times a month. Since I work a two-week swing shift, this is once a week while I am on days.

About a month later, I was going to a crossdressing weekend about 300 miles away. I told my wife that I was going with another friend and she agreed to let me leave home en femme. At the last minute, my friend had to cancel out, so I asked my wife if she would like to come with me. I showed her a pamphlet about the private resort we were going to, and a copy of our agenda for the weekend. I then told her that I did not want an answer that night but needed one when I got home from work, the following day, as I had to let the organizers know if she was coming.

Next day after work, she met me at the door and stated she would go. I gave her a chance to back out by asking, “Are you saying this because you know I want you to attend? Or, do you really want to go?” Her reply was, “I want to spend the weekend with you!” Then I said, “Since you are coming with me, I will not dress en femme until after we get there.” You could have knocked my panties off when she replied, “No! I agreed that you could make the trip as a woman, and if that is what you want to do – then do it!”

The following Thursday morning, Carol and Donna left home and drove 300 miles for a fun filled weekend with the members, some wives, and guests of the Monarch Social Club.

Since then we have attended two more of Monarch’s Mardi Gras weekends, the Be All Conventions in Chicago and Cincinnati, taken an all day shopping trip to London Ontario, been out for dinner at one of our top restaurants, had numerous small shopping excursions around town, and been regular attendees at Crossroads meetings and functions in Detroit, Michigan.

Carol has laid down a few ground rules about my crossdressing. For example, I can not run around partially dressed en femme. If I am going to wear women’s clothes, I have to give the illusion of being a woman – fully dressed - wig, and at least some make-up. When I look like a woman, we are friends, not lovers or husband and wife. I can dress up on a regular basis – but not every day. And, when I do dress, I must wear clothing appropriate to my age and body shape – nothing tacky, too revealing, etc. Since my wife is willing to accept my crossdressing, and has become an active participant in this lifestyle, I am more than happy to go along with her wishes.

As you noticed, this change in my wife’s attitude did not take place overnight. I firmly believe that, if I would have pushed the issue when Carol first agreed to talk about it, this would have turned her off again, and our relationship wouldn’t be what it is today.

What I am trying to say is communication, patience, and truly caring about your partner’s feelings and wishes is what really counts in life, and especially in a relationship like ours.

Editor’s Note: This was written about 5 years ago and things have only gotten better!

Our Monthly Meetings are held at the Ramada Inn on Route 132 in Hyannis. A meeting room as well as a private changing area is provided.

MARCH 20, 2004 The Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) invites the members of Innvestments to the COS Annual Banquet to be held on the evening of Saturday, March 20, 2004, at the Ramada Plaza Hotel in Meriden, CT. The event includes dinner, dancing, entertainment (the ³COS Follies²) and a keynote speaker, Helen Boyd, the author of "My Husband Betty". The event costs only $30 per person. For more information, go to http://www.ctoutreach.org/banquet.html or e-mail staci@earthlink.net.

APRIL 4, 2004 Sunday, Come to our ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION. This will mark our TWELFTH year as a transgender group here on Cape Cod. We plan to celebrate in the restaurant/lounge at the Ramada Inn.

JUNE 7, 2004 Our Annual Dinner Meeting to take place at a restaurant of your choice in the Hyannis area. A changing area will be available at the Ramada Inn for those who need it.

JULY 5, 2004 Monthly Meeting but NOT at the Ramada. We have secured a meeting place for the summer at the Gay Lesbian Bisexual & Transgender group building at the corner of Elm Street and Barnstable Road in Hyannis.

The purpose of this article is to ALWAYS READ THE LABEL WHEN BUYING CLOTHING AND MAKEUP. I trust that the proceeding printing in bold lettering and capitalized caught the readers’ attention.

Not reading the label can result in some very dire consequences, which are as follows:

How many times have we all purchased the wrong kind of pantyhose? I really hate to think of the times that I have gone to the nicer stores and have accidentally purchased control top pantyhose instead of regular pantyhose. Control top pantyhose are the tool of the devil. If you have a bit of a gut (like most of us), it is an ordeal and a struggle to put them on. Once you get them on, the tops start to roll and you are always pulling them up. This can be rather awkward in certain social situations. They also have a tendency to rip when you don’t need a tearing problem. Control top panty hose should be used on suspected criminals and terrorists to get them to confess to crimes that have been committed or will be committed in the future. This would even be more effective than other forms of torture.

Most of us have made this mistake when we have purchased make up. I used to use Mary Kay, but it is not that cheap. I was running low one day and went to Walmart to buy a Max Factor cream to powder foundation in the tone of warm beige (because of my warm personality) It is cheap and is close to my skin tone. Close enough for government work as we used to say in the U.S. Army. Apparently, I did not read the label that closely. I got to Tiffany one Tuesday evening and discovered it was not foundation, but pressed powder. I was able to use the powder so all was not lost.

Lastly, the other thing to check is the label on clothing for sizes and fabric care. In the beginning, like most of us, I was very nervous about going to the women’s department in a department store or the shops that cater to us. I would go to the rack and if it looked close to what I was looking for, I would grab it and go to the register where I would throw my money at the clerk and run out to the store. How many times when we got home did we find out that that we got the wrong size. I could never work up the courage to bring the things back. It took me a while to figure out what my sizes are proper for me and what will fit and look half-decent. Today, I have no problem in going in to a store to buy a dress or skirt. You have to be careful in reading the labels for fabric care. Dry cleaning is not cheap and for some of us bringing a size 20 dress to the cleaners can be a tad on the iffy size. Remember the staff at the dry cleaners has your name, address, and telephone number. While leaving your dress at the cleaners, one clerk will whisper to the other and say, “I think he wears that dress.” I usually get my girlfriend to drop off the dress and that avoids that situation.

HOME PAGE - NEWSLETTERS - LINKS TO OTHERS - MEMBERS PAGE

PATIENCE PAYS OFF