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Vol. 10, No. 4 |
May 2002 |
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| www.innvestments.org |
HOME PAGE - NEWSLETTERS - LINKS TO OTHERS - MEMBERS PAGE |
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Your |
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Vol. 10, No. 4 |
May 2002 |
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| www.innvestments.org |
First let me apologize for the absence of our Newsletter for so long. As a tax accountant I was especially busy this season. I think I worked more hours this year than ever. I am just now getting back to a normal pace. But our groups activities have kept on going, even if I have been lagging behind.
VALENTINE'S PARTY - Our annual Valentine's Party was
well attended this year and a good time was had by all. The highlight
was our Red Dress Contest. We always award a Barbie doll to the
winner but this year we had a Drag Queen Barbie Doll as our prize.
Everyone got a good laugh from it. From the sea of ladies wearing
red dresses at the party we had about 20 enter the contest. Janine
B. from Sherborn won for her lovely short red dress with a puffed
out skirt.
The food was terrific as the Ramada did a fine
job with all the fix en's and there were a lot of compliments
on it. Chuck and Cindy from Soundscape Entertainment put on a
good show for us with their music and karaoke. As the night wore
on more and more of our members performed for us.
MARCH MEETING - We discussed the many aspects of what it takes to transition from male to female. Among the things discussed were the items needed to complete, a preferred time line, what steps should go first and finally the estimated costs involved. There is an article later in the newsletter. Before going to read it write down your own ideas on how long it might take, what steps to do first and how much it will cost in total.
APRIL BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION - Innvestments celebrated it's 10th birthday this year! Let us applaud that accomplishment and hope for another 10 good years. Denise and Wendy took charge of the celebration this year and produced a very nice party that took place in the restaurant at the Ramada Inn. It was held on a Saturday night, rather than a week night, so that it would be easier for more members to come. Several people stayed for the weekend.
MAY TRIP TO SPRING FLING - On the weekend of May 11th many of the members of Innvestments attended the Tiffany Club's Spring Fling in Provincetown. The banquet and dance on Saturday night was great and we all enjoyed shopping and being with friends in P'town.
UPCOMING IN JULY - POOL PARTY Innvestments is once again going to team up with the Tiffany Club and bring our girls together on Saturday, July xx, at the Randolph Country Club for a pool party. For those of us that don't look that sweet in a bathing suit Drab is quite welcome. There will be dancing in the evening and you will be able to change for that. To make it easier for those of us coming from the Cape we are going to have a car pool. Contact Brenda for more info.
Your Innvestment is a publication of Innvestments, P.O. Box 493, Monument Beach, MA.02553-0493. Innvestments is a non-sexual service organization founded to support and to provide a socially acceptable outlet for the crossdressing, transvestite, transsexual, transgendered community located primarily in Southeastern Massachusetts, Cape Cod and the Island. All rights reserved. Permission to reprint any article appearing in Your Innvestment is hereby granted to non-profit similar organizations provided that publication and authorship credit is given. Any commercial use of Your Innvestment material is hereby prohibited. Some material may have previously appeared in print. Publication and authorship rights of material reprinted from other sources remain with its originator. The editor/s of Your Innvestment are not under any obligation to accept information and advertisements. Information and advertisements may be published in any form deemed acceptable. Any information about services, products or sympathetic locations published in Your Innvestment is not considered an endorsement of such by the staff of Your Innvestment or the Board of Directors of Innvestments. Innvestments is also know in open publications as Cape Cod Cross Dressers.
Brenda L. (Brenda@innvestments.org).......(Acting)
President
Denise S. (Denise@innvestments.org).........Vice President
Brenda L.(Brenda@innvestments.org)........Treasurer (508-759-2179
eve's)
It seems that no matter how long some of us have been at this transgender game we still have this lingering paranoia about being "read" while out in public. I have always considered myself as just one of the girls in our group, certainly not a model for someone to look up to or anything like that. I try to pass as a regular girl next door or at the office and try to keep to myself while out. I have been going out dressed for at least 8 or 9 years. So I was a little surprised about what happened when I was walking through the lobby of the Ramada Inn recently with a girl from our group that I have always looked up to. She kept commenting on whether or not this person or that person was watching us and if she had been "read" or not. Wow, this girl that I had always looked up to was even more paranoid than I was!
I think we, as males or former males, have a very high awareness of our surroundings while in public. The typical male sits in a restaurant and notices everyone that comes in and out. If he sees a pretty girl his eyes and head follow her from one end of the room to the other, often with no effort to hide his interest.
Women, on the other hand, have found a way to subdue this gawking activity. Oh they notice when some man is staring at them and the pretty outfit they are wearing. They just look around in a much more subtle manor. Maybe they have a more acute peripheral vision capacity than men. I'm really not sure. Maybe that is what they want, to make men unsure of themselves. Women have told me they do indeed know what is going on around them. It seems to be something that they are taught at a reasonably young age. Other women have told me that it is easy for them to become so engrossed in what they are doing that they don't even know (or care) who is around them. This can easily happen while out shopping, for instance. Now that is what I call relaxed.
So how can we, as transgendered girls, learn from the women we so admire? The first thing to do while you are out is to relax. If you are nervous and constantly looking around you will certainly be "read". There used to be an expression when CB radios were popular about "having your ears on". I think my friend at the Ramada was in that mode. While it may be somewhat impossible for us to totally "turn our ears off" we may be able to relax enough so that we appear calm and collected like a lady should. After all, isn't it impolite to stare?
A second thing to try is to use your peripheral vision a little more. Try not to stare directly at someone but to notice where they are and what they are doing out of the corner of your eye. You may even find that what someone else is doing does not really matter to you and what you are doing at the moment.
The last thing you can do is to stop caring what someone else thinks of you and even if they might have "read" you. It just does not matter what they think! What really matters is how you feel about yourself. Did you dress appropriately for the situation and use enough makeup to cover your black beard? If so then it is no one else's business what happens to be underneath your skirt. From what I have read there are no longer any laws prohibiting a person from going out in public dressed as a women.
I always remember the very first time I went out shopping while en femme. I was nervous as heck and had psyched myself up to have a fist fight if someone had dared to say something bad to me. But what really happened was almost a let down. No one bothered me at all or even looked twice at me. I flitted about the store and had a great time! But even if someone had "read" me what would they do about it? Would they have a right to approach me and tell me I was not acceptable to them? Why would I not be acceptable? The plain truth is that many of us get read all the time but no one cares to approach us and make a scene.
I guess we can't really stop being paranoid about being "read" while out in public. To do so we would have to change an inherent part of our nature. So, even after all these years, is it OK to be a little paranoid about being out in public. Well yes. But just don't show it!
I was born in 1930 and started school at age six. During this era boys of my age wore knee pants and in cooler months wore long stockings which were held up by garters pinned to their underpants. This to me was initially feminine. During the age of 5 through 8 my mother made most of our clothes. When something for a surprise was being made for my sister, who was two years older, mother would use me for a model. When playing house with my sister, occasionally, she would have me wear a dress and high heels. Once at the age of seven, I clearly remember, my sister and her girlfriend dressed me as a baby. My makeshift hat was a pair of cotton panties. To this day I recall the sexual arousal I had at the time.
After the age of eight I don't recall being dressed or playing house anymore. But once in a while I would go in my mothers dresser draws and feel the softness of her panties and slips. Occasionally I would put them on when no one else was home. I guess I continued this fetish until I was sixteen. Sometime around the age of thirteen I found some women's clothes in a suitcase that was left at the house by a friend of the families. This is when I first crossdressed. There were panties, a bra, a skirt and a blouse which I would wear. The feeling was enlightening and eventually I would become aroused. During this period and the next few years I occasionally would wear panties to bed, but only when I was sure of not being noticed.
At age seventeen I left home because I didn't get along with my stepfather. I moved from the Boston suburbs to the Cape Cod area. At this point I did not do any crossdressing at all. In 1952, at age 22, I got married and stayed in the military for the next twenty years. Throughout my marriage I occasionally would put on my wife's panties. Twice I was able to dress as a female at Halloween parties.
After I got out of the service my urges and interests for crossdressing got much stronger. I was about 45 years old at the time. I had always bought under garments for my wife so buying them for myself was no big problem. An unexplainable urge, which was like a magnet, seemed to make me want to dress and to dress completely. When I dressed I felt a wonderful change in myself. I felt so relaxed and natural, like the woman in me was finally getting out and becoming herself.
I don't really have the opportunity to dress as much as I would like, for my wife can not accept this and has trouble explaining her feelings about my dressing and I don't think it's fair to push it on her. Sometimes when she goes out for an hour or so I may quickly get dressed but that is very seldom. I do, however, sleep in panties and a nightgown and sometimes a bra with foam breasts. I guess this helps satisfy my frustrations but I would enjoy going out in public more. I used to enjoy the Innvestments meetings so much when I was able to go, before my health got worse.
I would say the reason for continuing to crossdress is because of the extreme enjoyment and fulfillment I receive when dressed.
During the March meeting our group had a discussion of the procedures and hurdles one must go through in order to transition from male to female. As promised we had graphs and a flowchart to illustrate our discussion. We are repeating the highlights here for those of you that were unable to attend the meeting. Please note that the following is the result only of the people present at that meeting and is NOT intended to be authoritative or complete in any way. If you are interested in transitioning then we highly recommend that you consult with a professional!
We were lucky enough to have one of our members present, Rachia, who had her SRS surgery done back in the 1970's. Her very strong advice was to make sure you are transitioning for the right reasons. According to her SRS will NOT solve other problems you may be having in life such as financial, family or marriage difficulties. It may in fact make those problems even worse! She also said you should take your time in making this decision and do not rush into it.
The following were some of the highlights of our talk:
| PROCEDURE | LOW COST |
HIGH COST |
AVERAGE COST |
|---|---|---|---|
| Electrolysis | $40 x 75 hrs | $80 x 300 hrs | |
|
$3,000 |
$24,000 |
$13,500 |
|
| Counseling |
$2,600 |
$15,600 |
$ 9,100 |
| SRS Surgery |
$10,000 |
$15,000 |
$12,500 |
| COSMETIC SURG. Breasts Nose Lips (Collagen) Chin Tracheal Shave |
$2,000 |
$5,000 |
$3,500 |
| Hormones $40 Month |
$1,000 |
$4,500 |
$3,000 |
| Shopping- Clothing Ect |
$1,000 |
$10,000 |
$5,500 |
| Total |
$64,600 |
| Procedure | Year 1 | Year 2 | Year 3 | Year 4 | Year 5 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Electrolysis | ======= | ====== | = | = | |
| Counseling | ======= | ====== | |||
| Hormones | == | ====== | ======= | ======= | ===== |
| Go Full Time | == | ======= | ======= | ===== | |
| SRS Surgery | == | ||||
| Cosmetic Sur | == | == | == | == | |
| FamilyIssues | ======= | ===== |
If you haven't met it yet, never fear, you
will.
If you aren't prepared for it, prepare now!
Then, may be too late!
And that is meeting bigotry and/or an unwanted
pickup head on!
Both happened this past month (1995).
In both instances the receivers were blind sided by it and somewhat
unprepared in their responses.
In the first instance, several of us were asking questions, directions, etc.., and the respondents attitude was not professional. I believe the best way to handle a situation like this is to not lose your cool. Be lady like in every way and be overly polite. A "Thank you very much" can go a very long way. It also disproves whatever ill conceived thoughts the confronters may have conjured up in their minds that made them act that horrid way in the first place. Most people who react badly to you when you are dressed are people who are afraid of themselves. They are people who question who and/or what they are. I believe they also had a bad upbringing and were not taught that all people were created equal, different perhaps, but equal. They also were not taught manners.
I personally have had such people working directly for me in the military that I would not go one step out of my way for. They were dirty, filthy, rotten people who slithered out from under the slime on the bottom of a damp rock. But .... I can truly say that I treated them equal and identical with everyone else. That worked for me. When I harassed one, I harassed all. When I praised one for something, it was generally a team effort and I praised all. When one of these horrid people left, I was truly shocked when I was thanked for making this persons assignment one of the best that he had. The chip on his shoulder that day was indeed very small compared to the day he arrived. Be aware, not everyone is accepting and not everyone will treat you the same way.
The other instance occurred when three of us were out conducting some club business and one of our group was hit on, in a very direct manner by someone who had had one too many drinks under his belt. He first made his wishes known in the restaurant and then when rejected, followed us outside. It all ended well but the thought of the unknown taking place was upsetting to say the least.
Situational Awareness can solve many problems before they ever start. In all encounters with the public, give your best and expect the best in return, but be prepared for the worst. Not everyone is understanding or even polite. In most cases they are just plain scared of you, of something different and this makes the potential for trouble worse as they fear they have to defend themselves from you. Whenever you go out be aware of your surroundings! Use your peripheral vision. Know who is standing where. When pulling up to a red light in your car avoid being directly next to the vehicle beside you. Avoid eye contact. Move around and don't stand still. Remain calm, cool and collected. Be a lady and don't revert to "himself" who may want to resort to violence. Excuse yourself and if necessary leave. Above all remember: Situational Awareness!
Be a lady. Be polite. Carry yourself upright. You have nothing to be ashamed of. In this way, you can demonstrate that you are no threat. You are a nice person and you will perhaps unknowingly help others who may follow! Remember, you will have only one bad experience that will soon fade away to every twenty good experiences that will leave you floating on cloud nine!
Editors Note - As noted above this article was written seven years ago in 1995. Have things gotten better since that time? Do you think the streets are safer for us than they were then? Think about it. Send comments and any "bad" experiences you may have had to Brenda.
Recently I was on vacation in Toronto. We were in a large department store and were walking by the make-up counter. I spotted a brand of foundation that I had been wanting to buy. Since I was a safe distance from home I decided that it would be OK to purchase it here. Of coarse I was in drab at the time.
I approached the counter and asked the sales girl, who was about thirty, to show me some of the foundation. Her face turned red and she declined to show me the product. She explained that on at least two previous occasions men had come to her counter only to make a practical joke and have a good laugh. She was certain that is what my intentions were.
I assured her several times that I really intended to purchase the foundation if I could only find the right shade for my skin. It took a few minutes but she decided to show me the foundation. It took even longer for the redness in her face to go away. So I sat there while she swabbed samples of one shade after another on my face. Finally we found a match that seemed to work.
As I paid her for the foundation a smile finally came to her face. I think I had made a friend. She told me to come back soon.